I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
What was the cheese’s strategy when it ran for president?
Make America grate again.
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
After I helped a peach with some work, she said, "I really ap-peach-iate your help!"
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
Q: What kind of desserts does a turkey like?
A: Peach gobbler.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
I found a sour strawberry today. It was berry bad.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
I'm going to tell you all a story about strawberries.....
Once a punnet time....
What does a birthday cake and a baseball team have in common?
They both need good batters.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
"I need to re-wine my life."
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
What do you call cheese that is sad? Blue cheese.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
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