What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
Went to a German restaurant. The beer was fine,
But their sausage was the wurst!
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? Hot, diggety dog.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
I don't like cutting up a peach. I think it's because of the pits.
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
What do you call half a head of lettuce?
The Romaine-der.
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
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