Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
What did the mother bread tell her baby roll? You really are the apple of my rye.
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
What do the ducks have for dinner? They have Quackers and soup.
Why did the wheel act so bossy? Cause he was the "Big Cheese."
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
You and I make a deluxe combo.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
Everybody romaine calm.
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
What does it do before it rains candy? It sprinkles! What do you call dancing chocolate bar? Nestle Crunk bar.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
Why did the orange’s musical number receive a bad review?
Because it wasn’t an “orange-inal.”
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
All heck broke juice.
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
What do you get when you cross Elon Musk and lobster bisque? A souped up car.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
Boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew. Happy Birthday from me to you!
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
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