Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese!
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
What pickup line can you use to pick up a cheese lover?
“Are you cheddar? ‘Cause you’re lookin’ sharp!”
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
What kind of ice cream does Dracula eat?
Veinilla.
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
"You're the wine that I want."
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
What do you call a dentist who doesn't like tea? Denis.
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
What do magician avocados say?
Avocadabra!
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
"Read between the wines."
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
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