What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
I slept with a lemon once. Now I have lemonaids.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
Apples are red. Grapes are blue. Pineapples are sweet. And so are you.
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
What if someone made raisins with juice in them
That would be grape.
"Read between the wines."
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
Why did the orange help the old lady cross the road?
To do a random act of rindness.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
When my friend Frank died, his body was cremated and his ashes were placed in a decorative German beer tankard.
Now he's Frank in stein.
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
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