Q: What did the old orange see before it died?
A: The grim ripe-r.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain? He's got no beef.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
What do you call someone who chokes on their tea?
A cough-y drinker.
"Rosé all day."
What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?
Avocadonts.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
A storefront that boasts a fruit pun, just peachy.
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
Did you hear about the man who quit his job at a bakery? They said that it left him loathe of bread.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What do you call fake ramen noodles? An impasta.
Did you hear the little loaves playing hide-and-seek earlier? They kept yelling, “Bready or not, here I come!”
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
"You are so bottlefull to me."
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
What candy is only for girls? HER-SHEy's Kisses!
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
They asked how the watermelon farmer felt after winning the lottery; clever bugger said he felt like a melon bucks.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
What is a dessert called with an extra chromosome?
A chocolate downie.
What a spud muffin.
Go to BabaMail
