Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
I stopped for lunch at a German restaurant, but unfortunately got food poisoning. It really was the wurst.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
A bowl of salad went to church
Lettuce pray.
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
The fruit stutters because it suffers from a peach impediment.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
"I mead more wine."
Why was the chef surprised that anyone like her bread?
She thought it was crumby.
Join us and let’s make pizza cheese grate again.
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
How can we tell the difference between a can of beef soup and a can of pork soup? Just read the labels.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake?
“What’s eating you?”
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
My doctor tells me I've got a bacon addiction.
Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
Why didn't the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
Usain bolt must be a fruit
Have you seen that mango?
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
I hope for world peas.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
What does it do before it rains candy? It sprinkles! What do you call dancing chocolate bar? Nestle Crunk bar.
Son: Hey dad, I stole a peach from the grocery store today.
Dad: Why?
Son: I don’t know, but I feel guilty. It’s a real pit in my stomach.
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
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