There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
Did you hear about the corn stalk that changed careers?
He went into a different field!
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
I made some fish tacos last night....
But they just ignored them and swam away.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
What drink scares defense lawyers? Guilt-Tea.
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
Why did the croissants take the donuts and bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
What do you call young avocados?
Avokiddos.
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
I hate it when I run out of bread for breakfast. I am lack-toast intolerant.
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
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