What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
Before I ducked out to the shops, my wife asked me to put ketchup on the shipping list.
Now I can't read it.
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
What do you call an apple that's been around the world? Johnny Appleseed.
I have pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why I pea soup all night!
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
Why does cheese look normal? Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
The perfect name for a sad and morose strawberry is a blueberry.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
Did you hear about the ice cream that went to prison?
They got their just desserts.
What did the rabbit say to the lettuce?
Romaine calm, I’m here for the carrots.
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
What do red berries say during the season they love best? Cherry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
I keep thinking I'll make breakfast pancakes, but I end up waffling.
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
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