Went to a German restaurant. The beer was fine,
But their sausage was the wurst!
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
I told my kids that ketchup can go on anything.
You know, It’s the least condiment denominator.
I was sitting in the toilet at Taco Bell and it reminded me of my divorce.
It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
Q: Why are orange and banana phones so popular these days?
A: They have appeal.
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
Q: Why can’t oranges be pirates?
A: They don’t get scurvy.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
"Back that glass up."
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns!
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up!
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
I have been trying to write a new pizza joke…
But I can’t work out the delivery.
What do they say when you leave the cheese store?
Have a gouda day!
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
"I mead more wine."
Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school? For the Soup-erintendent.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
What did the hummus say to the pita bread when he got sick?
I falafel.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
Be like a pineapple: wear a crown, stand tall, and be always sweet on the inside.
What is the difference between a cow that produces normal milk and a cow that produces chocolate milk?
A mootation
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