The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm? He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
What do you call royal pineapple? Your pine-ness.
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
What do you call a cherry that is hard as nails? Tough as old fruits.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
What candy is only for girls? HER-SHEy's Kisses!
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
What do you call an avocado after a priest blesses it?
Holy guacamole.
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
What do you get when you cross Elon Musk and lobster bisque? A souped up car.
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz? An electric banana.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
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