What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
What do you get when you photocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
Why are candles lit on top of birthday cakes?
It’s impossible to light them on the bottom
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?
Frosty the Dough-Man!
Who is a potato’s favorite author? Edgar Allen Poe-tato.
My Ex Girlfriend stole my Hummus.
I told that chick, peace
Did you know there’s an app for corn growers?
It’s made in Sili-corn Valley!
What would a pineapple say to a pineapple pie? You have some crust.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
Someone who eats bananas must like them a whole bunch.
Strawberries love to travel. Their favorite mode of transport is the wind-jam-mer.
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor role.
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
“It wasn’t peeling well.”
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
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