How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
Is tea with additional salt
Salt-tea?
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
What do oranges like to listen to?
Musical com-peel-ations.
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
Did you know there’s an app for corn growers?
It’s made in Sili-corn Valley!
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Donut hole me back.”
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
Why did the orange come back after it was thrown in the garbage?
It was a boom-orange.
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
Swallowing a cherry stone is not the end of the world. It’s just one of life’s little pitfalls.
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
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