"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
Time fries when you’re having fun!
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
I have an addiction to cheddar cheese.
But it's only mild.
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
Join us for a slice of fun.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
Why shouldn't you be too inquisitive with a cherry? Ask no questions tell no pies.
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.
What did the therapist say to the pineapple? Look on the bright side.
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
What do you call juice with no ice in it?
Ju.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
The bread actor was sad because he lost a juicy roll.
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
What do you call people avoiding healthy fats?
Avocadonts.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
I have been trying to write a new pizza joke…
But I can’t work out the delivery.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.
I always tend to forget the french word for strawberry sometimes. But, then I eventually remember the fraise.
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