Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake!
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
Where do you go to learn how to make ice cream?
Sundae school.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
The baby strawberries were berry upset when they heard that both their parents were in the jam.
Why was the chef surprised that anyone like her bread?
She thought it was crumby.
When you find a blue strawberry, try to cheer it up.
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
Did you know dried fruits favorite news segments is...
Current events.
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
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