What did the pizza say when it asked the topping out on a date?
I never sausage a beautiful face.
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
At a get-together, one fruit asked another "I was wondering how have you been". The other replied "Just peachy, isn't that grape?"
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
Is it bad to swallow a cherry whole? No don't worry, it's just one of the pitfalls of life.
What do the ducks have for dinner? They have Quackers and soup.
Are you a taco?
Cause you sure taco lot
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado?
“Well, this is guacward.”
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
I was hoping my friend would catch the lemon-lime soda i tossed her.
But unfortunately Sierra Mist
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
When should you take a cookie to the doctor? When it feels crummy. What do the cookie and the computer have in common? They both have chips.
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
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