I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes?
To make them light and fluffy.
How did the baker cut four loaves of bread at the same time? By buying a four-loaf-cleaver.
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
Mum, you are my soup-er star.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
Why do the French eat snails? They dislike fast food.
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
"Love the wine you're with."
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
You and I make a deluxe combo.
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
What do potatoes become when they smoke weed?
Baked potatoes.
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
An owner of a pizza shop has just been found dead covered with pineapple, ham, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Word is that he topped himself.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
What is a pirate’s favorite cheese?
Ched-arrrrgh!
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
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