Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
Who is the superhero who loves to have soup all the time? Souper-man.
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
What do you get when you cross an avocado with a two way radio?
A Guackie-talkie
Knock knock!
Who’s there? Doughnut. Doughnut Who? Doughnut forget to close the door!
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
I have pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why I pea soup all night!
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
Somebody was doing a speech and said, "This might be corny," and pulled out a couple of canned corns. Guess what happened next?
Total pundemonium.
What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song?
Slice, Slice Baby
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
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