An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
What would a pineapple say to a pineapple pie? You have some crust.
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Strawberries are only made in the strawberry plant.
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
What does a pizza wear to smell good?
Calzogne.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
Today, I am eating a bun filled with pineapple and ham for my dinner. That is Hawaii roll.
What is suns favourite chocolate bar?
A milky way
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
What’s a good way to start a conversation with a cheese plate on Tinder?
“Hello. Is it brie you’re looking for?”
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
Did you hear about the potato that got its head chopped off? It was decap-potatoed.
The tiny bag of flour got in trouble, so his mother sent him to bread early. He kneaded to be punished.
“I only like lemons,”
Said Michael zestfully.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
The only fruit that makes me feel fuzzy and warm is a peach.
"I need to re-wine my life."
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
Go to BabaMail
