What does a pizza wear to smell good?
Calzogne.
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
What kind of ice cream to electricians eat?
Shock a lot.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
The bread actor was sad because he lost a juicy roll.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
I yam always very happy to eat sweet potatoes.
Why was the ketchup feeling bad?
Because it had the squirts.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
Did you hear what happened with the sourdough bread? It really rose to the occasion today.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
The fruit politician is losing its support in the country because of hate peach.
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? Because he heard the cakes were rich.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
Why was the cheese asked to leave the restaurant?
The cook said “we don’t serve your rind here”.
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
"Time to wine down."
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
Time fries when you’re having fun!
On Mother's Day we went strawberry picking and made a jam from the fruits of our labor.
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
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