The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
"I make pour decisions."
Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What is a cheese lover’s favorite Village People song?
Nacho Man.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
A scarecrow's favorite fruit to eat is straw-berry.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
What does a piece of cheese tell you during a game of tag?
Cheez it.
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
What did the salt say when the phosphate asked to bond with it?
"NaCl ater."
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
If Jim has 15 watermelons and throws one at Mary, what does Mary have?
“A really bad headache!”
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
The pineapple is pining for the summer.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
Why was the ketchup feeling bad?
Because it had the squirts.
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