How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
What do ghoul scouts hope to achieve by selling halloween cookies? They hope to make a good first impression.
Q: What anime series do fruits like to watch?
A: One peach.
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
What did the pizza say when it asked the topping out on a date?
I never sausage a beautiful face.
A pine and an apple talk to a pineapple “Poor you, my friend! You are certainly adopted, dude.”
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
How do you get a mouse to smile?
Say cheese.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
Someone who eats bananas must like them a whole bunch.
What happened to the lost beef shipment? Nobody's herd.
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
What’s an apple’s favorite restaurant? Applebee’s.
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
What are ice cream cones like as parents?
They’re big softies.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
How do you know when a cheese is full of himself?
Whatever you say, he’ll say he is feta.
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite Village People song?
Nacho Man.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
What do you call a flying cheese?
A curd of prey.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
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