There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
The peach couple from school is totally in love. They seem so perfect for peach other.
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
"Say you'll be wine."
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
What do oranges like to listen to?
Musical com-peel-ations.
Why was the orange skeptical of everyone around him?
He was planted with a seed of doubt.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
When she asked me if I like soup, I replied saying "I am crazy pho soups".
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? Hot, diggety dog.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.
You better watch out before you play a game with any bread? Baguette ready to lose.
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