The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
What did one cherry say to the other cherry? If you weren't so tasty we wouldn't be in this jam.
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
What do ghoul scouts hope to achieve by selling halloween cookies? They hope to make a good first impression.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
What do you call young avocados?
Avokiddos.
People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
What’s an apple’s favorite restaurant? Applebee’s.
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
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