How sweet is only for girls?
Her-shey’s kisses.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
Do you want to try my soup? I have enough for broth of us!
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
When I said "God, Thank you for this delicious noodle soup", my dad said "Ramen".
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
There was a rocky road.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
Did you hear about the secret guild of bakers? They say that they only trade recipes on a knead to know basis.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
Maturity is typically most rapid in a low latitude, where women and pineapples most do thrive.
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
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What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them?
They're pickle-ish.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese!
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
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