How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
Is tea with additional salt
Salt-tea?
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
How did I make the mango tree fit in my flower-pot?
I planted it.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
"Adulting makes me wine."
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
What do you call an anthropomorphic animal blended in ice cream?
A McFurry
I love you from my head tomato
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
What do you call a cup of leaf juice that doesn’t want to be a dad?
Absent-tea parent.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake!
Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
An owner of a pizza shop has just been found dead covered with pineapple, ham, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Word is that he topped himself.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
Why do people love juicy pineapple? Because it “ripens” their day.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
What's a woman and a tea bag got in common?
You don't know strong they are till you put them in hot water.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
"Sip happens."
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
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