What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
What did the orange do the night before the exam?
He put his nose to the “g-rind-stone” and read the entire textbook.
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
The pie-maker couldn't eat any more strawberries because she was already stuffed.
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
I slept with a lemon once. Now I have lemonaids.
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
"You had me at merlot."
Why do cheeses make bad musicians?
They’re always sharp.
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Why can't Superman eat the corn tortillas at taco Tuesday?
He's afraid of that chip tonight.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
What do teapots wear to a tea party? A T-shirt.
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
What would a pineapple say to a pineapple pie? You have some crust.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What is the correct answer to Hummus?
A cow.
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
You knead me in your loaf. This one kind of works, but loaf is just a little too different from life.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
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