In a world that is full of apples, it is much better to be a pineapple.
Do you know why bread hates warm weather? It just makes things too toasty.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor role.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
There’s this corn on the cob stand that I really like, but it started making ads
They were really corny.
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
Where did the garlic clove go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
What is the perfect name for a sad strawberry? It is called a blueberry.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
How good is a Coney Island gyro? Feta than se*.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes?
To make them light and fluffy.
What kind of salad do termites eat?
House salad
The oranges have great eyesight because they always keep their eyes peeled.
how do you convince meat juice out of a bovine?
You consomme out of him.
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
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