How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
In the middle of the night yesterday, I dreamt that I was swimming in a sea of oranges only to wake up and realize that it was just a Fanta-sea.
Why does the jellybean go to school? Because he wants to become a smartie.
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
What did the aged cheddar say when his mom told him he couldn’t see a movie that was rated R?
“I’m mature for my age.”
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
What does a dragon eat with his soup? Firecrackers.
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Why didn’t the chef slice his cheese?
He had grater plans.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
Grandma: Do you like Hummus? Me: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
If you are ever babysitting a cherry, remember that their favorite cartoon is Tom And Cherry.
What did the cheese say after escaping the mouse? I'm Brieeee!
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
My wife misplace the sugar with the salt in her sugar cookies.
It was sodium disgusting.
Why shouldn't you shop at the Banana Republic? Because the employees look like a bunch of dicks.
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
I spent last Christmas with a bunch of soft fruit. I kept getting confused with the toast – they were saying “Eat, drink and be cherry!”
What did one avocado half say to the other?
Without you, I’m empty inside!
Taco Bell overcooked my food
I asked for a brrrr-ito and an en-chill-ata.
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
What do you call it when Satan steals your guacamole?
Playing Devil’s Avocado.
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
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