What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and leave, it could spell disaster.
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
Why are candles lit on top of birthday cakes?
It’s impossible to light them on the bottom
I love you from my head tomato
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
The only fruit that makes me feel fuzzy and warm is a peach.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
Why did the orange fall out of the tree?
It went out on a limb.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter? Pi a'la mode.
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
Do you know why bread hates warm weather? It just makes things too toasty.
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
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