What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
I was souper excited to hear some soup puns for the comic chef - but his performance did not excite miso much.
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
What’s the worst thing about a bread pun?
It tends to get stale.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: Next time, take off the candles.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
What do you call someone who’s crazy about corn?
A corn-ivore!
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
What do you call a cow on the barnyard floor? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
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