Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
Did you hear about the ice cream that went to prison?
They got their just desserts.
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
When do franks tell insults? At a wienie roast!
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
Do you know why a pineapple can be a good observer? Because it has a lot of eyes around its body.
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
Why did the banana fail his driving test? He kept peeling out.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger!
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
What did the pizza say to the delivery guy?
“You don’t pepper-own me.”
…and what did the delivery guy say in reply?
“Hey now, don’t get saucy.”
Boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew. Happy Birthday from me to you!
The big play is in seven days, you better work on your peach enhancement techniques.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
What’s sweet and goes woof?
Pupcakes!
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
My Ex Girlfriend stole my Hummus.
I told that chick, peace
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
What did the hummus say to the pita bread when he got sick?
I falafel.
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
Go to BabaMail
