What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
I hope for world peas.
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
Why would an oreo cookie need to visit a dentist? To get a filling replacement.
What do you call two cookies from the same cookie sheet who fall in love? A batch made in heaven.
What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
Why did the orange get pulled over while driving?
He kept peeling out.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
What happened to the renegade donuts?
They went down in a glaze of glory.
What did the pastry chef say when a banana cream pie he made completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
It hit despot.
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
What happened to the lost beef shipment? Nobody's herd.
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
What should you do if you see a blue banana?
Try and cheer it up.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
How sweet is only for girls?
Her-shey’s kisses.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
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