What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
Every December, I really like making an emulsion of egg yolks, melted butter and lemon juice.
So its guaranteed to be a Happy Hollandaise
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
Last year, when I went to Texas, I met this very polite and gentle onion. Its name was the Texas supa-sweet onion.
What do you call a cherry that is hard as nails? Tough as old fruits.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
How is ice cream as a girlfriend?
The sweetest.
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
What is an elf’s favorite kind of birthday cake?
Shortcake!
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What’s an apple’s favorite restaurant? Applebee’s.
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
What’s the best view you can get in our galaxy? A view of the milky way from mars.
"I mead more wine."
My love for you sprouts more and more everyday!
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
I took the recent snow warnings with a pinch of salt.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
What do you call an island populated entirely by cupcakes?
Desserted
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
What happened when an orange, an apple, and a banana all went on a picnic together?
They had a “fruit-ful” day.
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