What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
What do the ducks have for dinner? They have Quackers and soup.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
"It's wine o'clock."
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
"Time to wine down."
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese?
His wife gave him a restraining order.
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
What do you calla watermelon that just won’t stop committing crimes? A watefelon.
Went to the doctor because I got a strawberry stuck in my ear
He gave me some cream for it
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
Here’s another one; what about an otter who lives in an emptied out melon? An ottermelon.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
Why is a pineapple so attractive? Because it keeps its juices flowing.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
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