How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
What do you call young avocados?
Avokiddos.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
A Blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
---
What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
What do you get when an Elephant sits on an Orange?
Orange squash.
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
What do you call cheese who attends art openings?
Cultured.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
The retiring orchard gardener made a farewell peach that was really heart-warming.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
I slept with a lemon once. Now I have lemonaids.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
Why does Britain like tea so much?
Because tea leaves.
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
Why shouln’t you rub avocado in your eyes?
You might get guacoma.
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
I was souper excited to hear some soup puns for the comic chef - but his performance did not excite miso much.
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