I hope for world peas.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
Whom did the cheesy Bible start with? Edam and Eve.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
"I mead more wine."
What do you get when you cross an orange with a parrot? A carrot.
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
What should you do if you see a blue banana?
Try and cheer it up.
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
Why did the farmer hang raincoats all over his orchard? Someone told him he should get an apple Mac
If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
"Will you accept this rosé?"
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
Why do people love juicy pineapple? Because it “ripens” their day.
What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn’t.
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
How did I make the mango tree fit in my flower-pot?
I planted it.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
What do you call a baby potato? Tater tots!
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
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