Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
Why do bananas have to wear sunscreen?
Because they peel.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
Have a s-mash-ing birthday!
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
The soup that she cooks is so thick that the kitchen would go around when she stirs it.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
On Valentine's Day, the peach said to his wife, "You will always have a peach of my heart!"
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
What did the cornfield say when it heard rain coming?
That’s music to my ears!
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
What does a cheese lover say when someone keeps messing around with them?
“You gouda brie kidding!”
A burglar broke into my house and took all my condiments, now I'm Spiceless in Seattle.
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
The tiny bag of flour got in trouble, so his mother sent him to bread early. He kneaded to be punished.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes?
To make them light and fluffy.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
How do you know when a potato is in a bad mood? When they are acting salty
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
Whenever the peach gets angry, it looks at my face and screams: “You are just a peach of sh*t!”
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
---
What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
What’s a calendars favorite fruit?
Dates.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
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