What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
I’m chocolate to my appointment!
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
I’m opening a grocery store that specializes in Swiss cheese and donuts.
I’m calling it Hole Foods.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
Made the mistake of offering my realtor some lipton iced tea
I forgot that he only drinks realty.
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
Just found a fly in my beer. I'm feeling buzzed.
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
The bread actor was sad because he lost a juicy roll.
What did the banana do when he saw a monkey? The banana split!
What do you call a potato at a football game? A spec-tater.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
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