The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
Ugh.. I ate too much hummus..
And now I filafel.
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
hat’s the most sophisticated kind of bread?
The upper crust.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
Do you know how to get a raise at the bread factory? Try buttering up to the boss.
The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
Q: Why are cherries never lonely?
A: Because they hang around in bunches.
What does a birthday cake and a baseball team have in common?
They both need good batters.
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
Why is it better to smell roses and lemons than a pile of poop?
It’s just plain common scents.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
A truck with an entire load of strawberries has crashed on the motorway. It's caused a real traffic jam.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
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