What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
The healthy soup recipe was suggested to us by the nutritionist. It soup-erseded the old unhealthy creamy soup we used to have for dinner.
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
Mum, you are my soup-er star.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
Why was the orange feeling sad?
It lost its zest for life.
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
I tried to give the guy who came to clean our septic tank out a beer. He said, “I’m not the type of guy who drinks on the job.”
I said, “Yeah, you wouldn’t want you’re boss to catch you sh*t faced.”
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
Someone who eats bananas must like them a whole bunch.
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
What are pig criminals known for? Pigpockets.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
Q: What would a peach love to pet?
A: A Pit Bull.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
I heard that my neighbor, who loved dried fruit, has passed away. May his soul rest in peach.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
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