What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school? For the Soup-erintendent.
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
What kind of candy never arrives on time? Chocolate
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
The bread actor was sad because he lost a juicy roll.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
When you want to propose to a person who loves strawberries, just say, "I love you berry much."
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
When the peach pit farewell to his friend, he said, "See you later, peach out".
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
When do bakers stop making donuts?
When they get tired of the hole thing.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
I like you a latke!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
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