I have been trying to write a new pizza joke…
But I can’t work out the delivery.
Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
I told my kids that ketchup can go on anything.
You know, It’s the least condiment denominator.
What can you only drink in the Middle East? Dust-Tea.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What does a worry wart drink? Safe-Tea.
What did the girl dinosaur ask her pet dog?
"Do you want some tea, Rex?"
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
How did the baker cut four loaves of bread at the same time? By buying a four-loaf-cleaver.
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado when the dip bowl was empty?
“We’ve hit guac bottom!”
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
I had a goat’s cheese pizza the other day.
He wasn’t happy.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Q: Why did the fruit stop for some time while driving?
A: It wanted to make a quick pit-stop
I recently went to a soft fruit party, where all the food was berry based. It was cherrific.
"I mead more wine."
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
One should always practice what they peach.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
Why do cheeses make bad musicians?
They’re always sharp.
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
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