"You can't sip with us."
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
What did the pizza say when it asked the topping out on a date?
I never sausage a beautiful face.
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs!
Do you know what is so special about the alphabet soup of Twitter? It only allows 140 letters.
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
My friend accidentally got salt in his papercut.
Talk about adding insalt to injury.
What type of bar is kid friendly?
A chocolate bar.
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
How do you make a mango shake?
You take it to a scary movie.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it’s a secret!
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
What’s a potato’s favorite TV program? Starch Trek.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
What is a strawberry's favorite music band? Pearl Jam.
I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? Frankenswine, or you can go see Hamlet.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What did Einstein say when someone tried to steal his beer?
Nein! Mine Stein!
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
I met a girl that owned three french-fry factories. I was impressed but to her it was just small potatoes.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
Despite his puns being so orange-inal, nobody really likes them.
What currency do fruit use to make purchases?
Banana bread!
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
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