Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
I got arrested for the way I eat corn.
They charged me with a salt and buttery.
What do pizza delivery guys and porn stars both see too much of?
Stiff tips.
What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up!
Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
If you are wondering about the most important constitutional right of a peach citizen, well, it's none other than freedom of peach.
Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
Why shouldn't you buy illegal seasonings? It's always a shady dill.
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
Someone who eats bananas must like them a whole bunch.
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
My boss accused me of "acting the monkey" at work.
I almost choked on my banana.
My brother gave me whole milk, but I can only have nut milk with my cereal. How dairy!
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
What kind of cheese protects a castle?
Moat-zarella.
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
Why did the baker quit making donuts?
Because he was fed up with the hole business!
Where do pepperonis go on vacation?
The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
I was hoping my friend would catch the lemon-lime soda i tossed her.
But unfortunately Sierra Mist
What do you call someone who chokes on their tea?
A cough-y drinker.
Which is the most religious cheese? Swiss, because it is holy.
Did you hear about the man who quit his job at a bakery? They said that it left him loathe of bread.
"Adulting makes me wine."
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
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