Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
What does a piece of cheese tell you during a game of tag?
Cheez it.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
What should you do if you see a blue banana?
Try and cheer it up.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
I love meat. I think going vegetarian would be a big missed steak.
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
Every girl is just like a pineapple: They both have many pointy defences, but they are still sweet and adorable.
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
"I make pour decisions."
The pancake was quiet because it did not like to waffle.
"You had me at merlot."
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it’s a secret!
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
What did the apple teacher say to her student? Help me orange the chairs please!
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What is suns favourite chocolate bar?
A milky way
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
The only thing that looks like half a strawberry is the other half.
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
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