What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
My mom likes to feed everyone the soup she makes. She said it is her broth right.
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
Where do you smart hot dogs go?… On the honor role.
What do you call a sleeping pizza?
A piZZZZZZa.
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
"Love the wine you're with."
Everybody romaine calm.
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
How good is a Coney Island gyro? Feta than se*.
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and Quackers!
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
A strawberry screamed at the other, "Were it not that ripe, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam."
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
How did the baker cut four loaves of bread at the same time? By buying a four-loaf-cleaver.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.
Have you ever seen the episode of VeggieTales directed by Tarantino?
It’s called Mango Unchained.
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
Why did the cheese lover hide cheese in the back of his fridge?
In queso emergency.
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
How do you get the most apples at Halloween? Take a snorkel.
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