Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
I love having dinner in a local restaurant. It has a soup-erb speciality that mixes soup and herbs.
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream? What's the scoop
What do they say when you leave the cheese store?
Have a gouda day!
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
This corn is a little rough to the touch. Looks like a job for Kernel Sanders.
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
"I make pour decisions."
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
Why didn't the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
When would an apple be not an apple? When it is a pineapple!
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
How do hot dogs greet each other? They say “give me some skin!”
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
Did you know there’s an app for corn growers?
It’s made in Sili-corn Valley!
People really liked the new king's coronation day peach. He truly deserves the throne.
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
just bought 5 slabs of San miguel, 10 sombreros and 25 tacos,
I'm Hispanic buying
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