My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
What do we get when we cross a pineapple and a pig? We have a porky – pine!
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
The only fruit that makes me feel fuzzy and warm is a peach.
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
What is a pizza’s favorite movie?
Pie hard.
A young slice of bread came up to his crush. He told her that he was really falling in loaf with her.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake, of course!
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
just bought 5 slabs of San miguel, 10 sombreros and 25 tacos,
I'm Hispanic buying
How do you make sweet corn?
You whisper sweet nothings in its ear!
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
I recently went to a soft fruit party, where all the food was berry based. It was cherrific.
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
What do you call a baby potato? Tater tots!
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
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