Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
What is a cannibal's favourite cheese? Limburger
What do you call an evil lemon?
Sour On
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
What do you call a healthy dinosaur? Tea-Rex.
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Saw a great offer on cheese in Tesco today!
It was buy one get one brie.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?
Frosty the Dough-Man!
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
My wife told my four year old daughter that she couldn’t use her plastic IKEA knife to slice mangos.
I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
"Thanks a brunch for the meal!", said the punny man when he sat to eat.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
Have you ever tried pineapple milk? Do you know where it comes from? Obviously from the pine – nipples!
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
The only type of berry you will ever find in a barn is a straw-berry.
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
"Here for the right riesling."
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
What do you call it when Satan steals your guacamole?
Playing Devil’s Avocado.
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
The best thing ever to put in a strawberry pie is your teeth.
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”
You better watch out before you play a game with any bread? Baguette ready to lose.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
The forecast said that we’re in for a hot summer; better make sure I watermelon everyday or else the yard will dry up.
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
Why shouldn't you buy illegal seasonings? It's always a shady dill.
Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
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