What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
The innocent blueberry got easily framed for the crime because the evidence was a strawberry plant.
A pickle store is giving out their new tea-flavored pickles on the street today
I tried some and I guess they tasted quite a-tea-pickle.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What do cloves use for money? Garlic "Bread."
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
What did the mother bread tell her baby roll? You really are the apple of my rye.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
Q: Why did the orange cross the road?
A: Because everyone thought he was a chicken.
What is a pirate’s favorite cheese?
Ched-arrrrgh!
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.
What do you call it when 13 preschoolers have just had their juice?
A Daycare's Buzzin'.
What happened to the zombie that made him visit the doctor? He had a crummy feeling.
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
I'm not too fond of not finishing my entire bowl of cereal. I think I have irritable bowl syndrome.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
What's a woman and a tea bag got in common?
You don't know strong they are till you put them in hot water.
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
What were the cheese’s wedding vows?
To havarti and to hold.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
Why did black chocolate cry over his wine glass?
Because it was his bitter half.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
"Sip, sip hooray."
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
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