I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
Why don't anarchists drink green tea?
Because it helps fight free radicals.
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
Why did one pineapple invite another to their party? Because they were real piner-pals.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
What can a whole orange do that half an orange can never do?
“Look round!”
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
What did the waitress say to the customer who wanted free guacamole?
“You can kiss my Hass.“
The Japanese restaurant serves the best soups. It will always make miso happy.
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
Did you hear about the man who quit his job at a bakery? They said that it left him loathe of bread.
Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
What do you call a metalhead working at Cold Stone? Alice Scooper.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
My mum makes the best soups. She is a real soup-erstar.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
My brother gave me whole milk, but I can only have nut milk with my cereal. How dairy!
Did you know you can make a really good music player out of a cherry cake? It’s called a gateau blaster.
What did the parmesan say when it broke up with the mozzarella?
Sorry but I am too mature for you.
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
What did baby clock ask mama clock? Where's father Thyme.
Apparently there's a fruit that is naturally radioactive.
I think that's bananas!
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
If you are ever babysitting a cherry, remember that their favorite cartoon is Tom And Cherry.
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up!
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
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