Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
Why did the banana go to the hairdressers? Because it had split ends!
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What a spud muffin.
I wasn’t sure if I ordered enough tacos from Taco Bell.
So I got a just in quesadilla.
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
What does a hippy cherry wear to a festival? A pie dye T-shirt.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
What do you call someone who’s crazy about corn?
A corn-ivore!
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
"Alcohol you later."
how do you convince meat juice out of a bovine?
You consomme out of him.
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
A strawberry's favorite celebrity is Mary Berry.
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
How do you know when a potato is in a bad mood? When they are acting salty
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