What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Ergo, I am a potato
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
You knead me in your loaf. This one kind of works, but loaf is just a little too different from life.
Who is the most powerful potato? Darth Tater.
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tater!
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
What’s the best view you can get in our galaxy? A view of the milky way from mars.
What did the cherry say to the cherry pie? I really crust you.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
What is a ghost peppers favorite Leonardo Dicaprio film? Catch me if you Cayenne.
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
Why was the ketchup feeling bad?
Because it had the squirts.
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over? Doughnuts!
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
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