People order potatoes a lot because they look a-peeling on the menu.
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
Me: "Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy?"
Alexa- "Apple juice."
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do you call a cup of leaf juice that doesn’t want to be a dad?
Absent-tea parent.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
How do the Vietnamese like their soup? Purrrrrfect.
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
Me: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
What vegetable is not allowed on ships? Leeks.
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
They asked how the watermelon farmer felt after winning the lottery; clever bugger said he felt like a melon bucks.
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
The best punishment to give orange kids is getting them canned. This is the only way to prevent them from going bad.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
That wide loaf has a decent bread-th. Nice.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
John, you have so much po(tato)tential!
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
The unripe strawberry wasn't added to the starting lineup of the game because he was too green.
Did you hear about the fruit who was convicted of armed robbery?
“Now he’s a waterfelon.”
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
Even though Jake was a heartthrob Casanova, he just had to break up with his long-time watermelon vending girlfriend; said she was always melondramatic about everything.
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
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