Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
How many atoms are in guacamole?
Avocados number.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
What is the suckiest fruit?
A strawberry.
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
Q: Why was the fruit not selected for the singing competition?
A: He has a flat peach.
I squeezed a lemon on my wife's lap two hours ago...
She's been a sourpuss about it ever since.
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
What a spud muffin.
What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs!
The manager at the bread store told the baker that he had to stop loafing around. The baker said that it was his job.
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
What did one cheddar cheese say to the other cheddar cheese at prom?
Looking sharp!
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
"Read between the wines."
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
Why did the corn farmer go to jail?
He was stalking someone in a field.
Keep calm and carrot on.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
What did the tortilla chip say to the guacamole?
“You are all I avo wanted.”
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
What do you call a cherry that is hard as nails? Tough as old fruits.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
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