What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
Why do communist hate bacon?
Because it’s from capitalist pigs.
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
I lost my grip, and my beer shattered on the floor.
This Corona outbreak is really getting out of hand.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
What's a nervous person's favorite drink?
Insecuri tea!
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
I’m opening a grocery store that specializes in Swiss cheese and donuts.
I’m calling it Hole Foods.
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
"I mead more wine."
How did the coconut hit on the pineapple? It said ” you are the pina to my colada.”
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
A Jacked-o-Lantern.
Did you hear about the banana who went to the doctor's because he wasn't peeling very well?
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
Woman’s Rejection: Sorry. I don’t date guys I pit-y
Why shouldn’t you go into business with a watermelon?
“They’re seedy.”
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
I love you a tot!
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
I have pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why I pea soup all night!
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