Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
A Jacked-o-Lantern.
Why are candles lit on top of birthday cakes?
It’s impossible to light them on the bottom
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?
Why would the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch.
What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
The plural of mango should be changed to mengo
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
What do the ducks have for dinner? They have Quackers and soup.
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
How does a vampire make tea? With a used tampon.
The soup was busy and preoccupied. He was stewing over something his friend said.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
What does the ginger bread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
This corn is a little rough to the touch. Looks like a job for Kernel Sanders.
The peach started acting all funny because it was really fuzzy.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
Boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew. Happy Birthday from me to you!
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