Did you hear about the flatmate who woke up to a spicy toothbrush? He had it cumin.
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette?
“They call it “Nico-tang”
Did you hear about the potato that got its head chopped off? It was decap-potatoed.
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
Why did the cheese shop owner finally quit the business?
He was tired of the daily rind.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
The perfect name for a sad and morose strawberry is a blueberry.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
.
I’m not old. I’m aged to perfection. And full bodied.
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
Dog Joke: What do you call a Collie with a mango on it's back?
Mango Lassie.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
What did the pizza say when it asked the topping out on a date?
I never sausage a beautiful face.
Do you know what you call it when you place beef between two slices of bread? You get a bull-only sandwich.
What do you get when you use a cookie cutter shaped like a deer? Cookie doe!
This is a taco and burrito conversation.
Nachos.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
What is a potato’s life philosophy? I think, therefore I yam.
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
My wife asked me this morning "Do you want a bacon omelette?"
I said "No, I'd rather fry one."
The strawberry was scared of the cream. They were afraid it had gone bad.
Be careful! Theres a deadly fruit on the loose
He has 7 charges of armed Strawbbery.
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
What do you call juice with no ice in it?
Ju.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
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