Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
The peach was late for work because it had to make some pit stops on the way.
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
My wife made gluten free, carb free, salt free spaghetti last night
It was not real food, it was an impasta.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
"Sip, sip hooray."
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? A banana dressed up as a cucumber !
I've started a Taco Bell themed John Coltrane cover band.x
We're called Crunchwrap Supremex
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal?
Megadeath by Chocolate.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
What did the cherry say to the cherry pie? I really crust you.
What is the only thing that can cure a sick do-nut?
An antidought!
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
Recently in a meeting at the greengrocer I work at, I asked my manager how he was doing. "Just peachy", he replied.
The sweet potato asked the other potato : “How are my eyes? ”
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
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