I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
If they swam in pepper water they would sneeze.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
"Time to wine down."
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
What’s a donut’s favorite lullaby?
“Sprinkle, Sprinkle Little Star.”
The informant obtained their information by burying themselves in the ground, disguised with a crown and some rind. Police called him the pineapple plant.
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
When does Oliver Stone eat ice cream? Any Given Sundae.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
"I mead more wine."
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
Do you know what you call it when you place beef between two slices of bread? You get a bull-only sandwich.
I was walking down the street when I stood on a banana.
Luckily, I was wearing my Slipknot t-shirt.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
Did you hear about the banana who went to the doctor's because he wasn't peeling very well?
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake, of course!
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
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