What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
Why didn’t the peach do well on its ACT? Because when it comes to education, it only gets a little STEM.
What did the lovesick pig sing to his girlfriend? Don't go bacon my heart!
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado?
“Well, this is guacward.”
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
Why shouldn't you buy illegal seasonings? It's always a shady dill.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Sir, did you realize the consequences of naming your son Taco Cheese?
"No, but I have grate expectations."
Q: Why did the cherry stop in the middle of the road?
A: It ran out of juice.
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
The only fruit that makes me feel fuzzy and warm is a peach.
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
Why have less scato when you can have mo’ scato?
How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
What is the difference between a cow that produces normal milk and a cow that produces chocolate milk?
A mootation
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
What did one cheddar cheese say to the other cheddar cheese at prom?
Looking sharp!
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
I tried buying a car from a religious person and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
I like my wine sweet and my humor dry.
The fruit stutters because it suffers from a peach impediment.
What did the oreo cookie say to his filling? You’re my butter half.
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
Some cherry puns are just pit-i-ful.
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
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