What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist? – It is a great peach of work.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
How do astronauts eat their ice cream? In floats!
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
What's so special about twitter alphabet soup? It only has 140 letters.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
Don't tell secrets in corn fields.
Too many ears around.
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!
What is a cannibal's favourite cheese? Limburger
Why is the strawberry loved dearly by everyone? Because it is berry sweet.
He is the best chef in the city. His soups take my broth away.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake!
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