You've really struck a gourd with me...
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
I was asked why I love to clean lemon juice from windows, to which I replied
“It’s easy peasy lemon squeegee.”
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
I tried calling my fruit friend thrice, but could not peach him, as his phone was out of peach.
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
Do you know why a pineapple can be a good observer? Because it has a lot of eyes around its body.
Love is also like a pineapple: They both are undefinable and sweet.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
A musical strawberry jam that knows how to play the trumpet is called Tooty fruity.
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
I like you a latke!
Cherries go all out when they go to festivals. You’ll probably see loads of them, running around in pie-dyed shirts.
What did Katy Perry drink when she was little? Bust-Tea.
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
If that’s the case, would it be wrong to say that the unfaithful watermelon had an illegitimate daughtermelon?
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
What is the best way to make gold soup? By adding 22 carrots in it.
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
How do you keep bacon from curling in the pan?
You take away their little brooms
Ever heard of French Donuts?
They’re the Beigne of my existence.
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
I was souper excited to hear some soup puns for the comic chef - but his performance did not excite miso much.
Whats green and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
A Blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him
Do you know what you call it when you place beef between two slices of bread? You get a bull-only sandwich.
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
What is a basketball players favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese!
My father gave me a peach. I told him that I wanted a pear. So he gave me another peach.
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