What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
What do oranges like to listen to?
Musical com-peel-ations.
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
I yam always very happy to eat sweet potatoes.
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
"You are so bottlefull to me."
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym? Hard core.
He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.
"No I have enough to carry as it is."
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
What do dogs like to drink? Kit-Tea.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
What is a potato’s favorite baseball team? The New York Yamkees
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
The favorite drink for batman is a fruit punch.
What happened when rockers couldn't get their favorite dessert? Rage against the Broken Ice Cream Machine.
Why did the aging bread roll retire?
Her career was already toast.
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.
They asked how the watermelon farmer felt after winning the lottery; clever bugger said he felt like a melon bucks.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
What do you call bacon with salt on it
Salt and Peppa
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
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